6-29-10

so its been almost 2 years since i last used this blog and a lot of things have changed. I now realize what you can do with blogs like these. you can express your emotions, problems, events and the list goes on. its something you can let out to whatever you want to say. well currently im in a situation where theres a fork in the middle of the road and im stuck between two paths. One path will lead me to pursue the one i love despite her lost in interest in me or i can take the other path which will be to leave everything as is and stay good friends with her. im so lost. i dont know what to do. as much as i love this one girl i feel as though were slowly falling apart. before her 1 month departure we had done things a normal couple would do: kiss, makeout, see each other whenever possible. but we werent official. it just kinda grew step after step and now that shes gone. every moment that were separated is making her lose interest in me. and for the second time in my life, my heart has shattered. After meeting this wonderful girl, i had thought wow is she really the one ive been looking for? i couldnt believe it. we had so many things in common. we were able to openly talk about whatever we wanted to and most of all we both had a passion for music. finally someone i could talk to about almost everything, now i realize that her focus wasnt me. her will to stay strong with the one she loves isnt there. i understand that her way of this so called "love" isnt comparable to the way i love her. the only thing i can hope for now is that by the time she comes back. things will start to rekindle and i will let this fire grow to the way it was before. if all else fails, i wouldnt know what to do. wanting to be more than just friends is hard when your partner doesnt feel the same way. if only there was a way to be with her every second of my life. if only there was a way so that things would go the way you wanted it to. just if only there was a way with everything life would be perfect but, it isnt. the most commonly used phrase " there are plenty of fish in the sea" doesnt apply when every fish in the sea are different from one another. there will only be that one unique person with their own traits and no one else in the world will be the same as her. Tiffany Kim. why would you do this to me? what is it thats causing you to drift away from me? you are a special part of my life but for better or for worse ill always be here for you. no matter what. your oppa will always be there for you. how amazing would it be if we ended up being high school sweet hearts? life would be too good. at this very moment. i dont know what to do with you. you dragged me into the hole and now i have no way of getting out.